I pondered over this question.
The comfort of home is big.
Staying at home released stress. I am sleeping deeper. My body is rested. Too rested, often.
Is this healthy?
Today is the seventh day, I came last week. Seven nights and seven days has passed. I am loosing touch with my core in the noise of everyday.
I realised last night, spending time, all the time with parents isn't required.
Both need a break, them, me. Personal space is required.
The end of one week requires plan for the next week, consider it a ritual and a weekly cycle.
Taking stock of what happened. How it happened. What didn't happen. What can happen next week, the to dos.
There are thoughts that come to my head, how to spend the second week at Giessen
1. Don't think about doing anything.
2. Be mindful about your approach to what you don't want to do.
2.1 You might not want to create a engaged week.
2.2 You might not want to engage too much, too less is also not wanted
2.3 What the engagement is in, for.
3. I had a thought that whether my energy is being spent in the right place?
3.1 Where would I like to spend my energy, with whom? I need a partner who acts as a support system, and a constant gardner. Fitting like a groove, her weakness and my weaknesses would be different, as would be our strengths, complementing each other. Similarity would be too familiar, unable to push both of us forward. Dissimilar thoughts, and ability to listen would keep us abreast of what's missing in both --emerging sometimes out of a blindspot or the template/biases of the past.
3.2 I would like to have a home, live peacefully, morning to evening, good job. Maybe in communications, maybe in a place where I can live in Europe, and place myself with dignity, health, personal respect, a life that I can make. Where there is feedback, collegiality, money enough to take care of most human needs, and then some wants.
3.3 It is a behemoth task which needs a constant gardner - a partner. To plan out the future together. What needs to be made while changing together.
3.4 It breeds scare, fear, the dreams feel achievable and real. Germany and German language can make it happen.
4. A thought came up, what would a job in Germany change for me?
4.1 Confidence, at a very different level.
4.2. Self belief, at a level which is unthought of.
4.3 Professionalism at an International Level. It will be overwhelming but with immense happiness. Happiness that I can share with everyone. When I have a job in Germany, that would open up a bank account, a tax address, I contribute to the taxation of a country in Europe. It will be a legit step in to the society.
4.4 Creation of a kind where I can carry forward the peace I have and build on it. A life that is connecting the dots. The dots are milestones, the lines connect each together.
What are the dots that I want to achieve?
1. A job where I can work with breaks.
2. Where I get to contemplate, think and eventually do things with people.
3. I would like to know how women think in Europe. So, if it is a workplace surrounded with women, that would be great, interesting, with a healthy ratio of men.
4. I would like to work under a male manager this time, having worked coincidentally with female managers most of the time in previous jobs.
5. A decent take home salary that combines - my expenses, house, grocery, annual gifts for family, partner, and people who support me. Fulfilling family obligations is important. Supporting my partner's family is important. Supporting my personal needs is important.
5.1 What salary will make me achieve the above goals?
5.2 How much do I want to pay in taxes, and how much do I want to save? What do I want to do with savings?
5.2.1 I want to save for a home, traveling, gifts, education, health. ALL are equally important. Which one I can't do without : health, education, home, gifts, traveling, family.
6. What will happen once I have a job? Imagine 1 year into the job, how do you spend your average day?
6.1. First 100 days I perform to become a core part of the company. I manage my emotions, make connections with colleagues, work on reflections, learn new concepts, definitions, culture of the organisation, names of the people, their stories, their likes and dislikes, their working habits, their ideas about life, family, work, routines--good and bad sides, both.
6.2. There will be reports to make, emails to send, tasks to do, people to talk to and understanding their way of being, their thought process would be interesting.
6.3 Maren mentioned, a workplace with break, unlike consulting ,but that makes me develop the whole picture of the system can suit me. I agree with her observation. I have seen that it works for me. Thinking about coaching as a life path. The focus on the whole-istic instead of the half or partial.
6.4. A job where I go deep dive for hours, making sense of the bigger picture, and come back to see what I have found out.
6.4.1 What job would that be?
Continue writing here. Now time for promise of meeting nanaji. I'll be back with same vigor and excitement.
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